The Buffy Sestina
By Jason Schneiderman
(The First Episode of the New Season, Before the Opening Credits.)
Buffy is upstairs sharpening her large collection of stakes
when her mother comes upstairs and says, “Would it be bad,
just this once, not to go out staking vampires again tonight?”
After all—she had just defeated an apocalyptic force! Time
for a break? Buffy never has time for a break. Angel gone,
her stakes sharp, she kisses her mom and hops out the window
into the backyard. Buffy is familiar with this small window
at the beginning of every season (school year), when her stakes
are enough to fight her battles, and whatever the big coming
evil will be—it hasn’t started to build yet. What big bad
will it be this season? She pulls her coat against the night
and there’s Willow! Her best friend! She certainly has time
for Willow! They walk, explicate the summer, say, “Time
to go back to school.” Suddenly, a vampire seizes this window
of relaxed defenses, and grabs off-guard Willow. Oh this night-
ly threat! Willow screams and resists. Buffy turns, her stake
at the ready. “Meet my friend, Mr. Pointy!” she says. Bad
bloodsucker, he lets Willow go. He wants to fight. He goes
at Buffy with everything, and Buffy (blue coat, boots) comes
back at him hard. The fight is oddly even. For a long time
(40 seconds, say), he gets in good blows. He hurts her bad,
she looks finished. She isn’t getting back up again. A doe
leaps into the cemetery. All are distracted. Willow makes a stake
from a broken bench piece and the vampire tries to run into the night.
But Xander arrives, blocks the exit with his own stake. This night
is going terribly now (for the vampire)! The vampire goes
around to a crypt and tries to run inside, but it takes time
to pry open the gates. Too much time; Xander almost stakes
the vamp, but he stops to quip, and the effort goes bad.
The vampire throws him hard into the boarded-up window
of the crypt. Willow runs over, pulls a board from the window
for a new stake. Buffy’s back up. Oh, what a luxury this night
is! Forever to fight just one, lone vampire. Xander’s bad-
inage soundtracks the fight. Willow lunges and misses, coming
close, but too far left. Buffy kicks the vampire in face, stake
brandished. He goes down, and she’s on top of him this time.
Buffy stakes the vampire. He’s dust. Whew! Wait. Bad. Crypts
don’t have windows. The night is heavy and dark. That took a long time!
What’s coming begins to come. Let’s unboard that window.
I had a bunch of chores to get done on Saturday morning, but by Saturday afternoon, I absolutely had to get out of the house -- someplace I could take a real walk, not the circles we've been making in the half-plowed neighborhood where we haven't gotten mail for the past two days. So we went to Brookside Gardens, which has a spring display in the conservatory and snow all over the grounds. We enjoyed the flowers and we walked on the paved paths around the frozen ponds!
On the way home, we stopped to do some shopping (I found a copy of Nasar's A Beautiful Mind -- with Russell Crowe on the cover -- for 50 cents at the library donated books sale) and had dinner watching Live from the Red Carpet and the SAG Awards, where pretty much everything I wanted to happen happened (I'm rooting for The Big Short for best picture at the Oscars, but since SAG gives Ensemble Cast instead and Mad Max wasn't nominated, Spotlight is very deserving.