Lyrics for Thursday

...which should give you some idea of my mood.


I Need Your Help, Barry Manilow
by Ray Stevens

My cheetah bit the vet,
My daughter’s on the pill,
And my ficus plant has lost its will to live.
I owe Mastercard my life,
I’ve got adolescent skin,
My doctor says I can’t use any salt,
My ashtray’s overflowing
And I don’t even smoke,
And my house lies on the San Andreas Fault.

I need your help Barry Manilow --
I’m miserable and don’t know what to do.
Sing me a song, sing it sad and low,
No one helps me suffer quite like you.

Hello? Mandy? Where are you? The Copacabana?
Listen, I know I don’t write the songs
that make the whole world sing,
But I do know one thing Mandy:
I just can’t smile without you.
Forget about Lola!
You remember that weekend in New England?
We thought then that this could be the magic at last
And now here we are trying to get the feeling again!

I need your help Barry Manilow --
I’m all alone and sitting on a shelf
Sing me a song, sing it sad and low,
I feel like feeling sorry for myself.

I need your help Barry Manilow --
Your songs can really comfort the unlucky,
Sing me a song, sing it sad and low,
I wish I didn’t have to feel so yucky
I wish I didn’t have to feel so yucky.


Popbitch asks: "Which Star Trek officer likes to pay high-class prostitutes to pleasure themselves with a large dildo while he reclines in an armchair listening to classical music?" If anyone knows the answer, I'd love to hear it. For that matter if anyone would just like to speculate...ahem.

Somehow I had never seen this LOTR parody site until someone posted it to one of my lists this morning. I have now wasted over an hour laughing hysterically.

And the pants are back! Thanks !

And this site, also pointed out from someone on a mailing list, is worth checking out because of this and others like it:



Ohhh yeah. Hope that makes your headache better !