By Richard O'Connell
"Oh, look at all the porpoise!" someone shouted
While passengers ran to snap their cameras;
But what they leaned toward was a shoal of sharks
Before us, moving like a floating island:
A seething multitude of tails and fins
Fleeing the fury of a hurricane
Hundreds of miles away. They splashed and swarmed.
Slashing the sea to threads of hissing foam
Beneath us, tossing bellies to the sun.
Staring into the blood pits of our eyes
Ferocious for the flesh and stench of us.
Lucky for us high on our high-tech ark
Looking back on life's primeval broth
At such perpetual and perfect kin.
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I had a very nice Sunday -- brunch at Bagel City with Paul, Cheryl, Ali, Annamaria, and Jessica when they were between panels at Potterverse, then some shopping and a couple of Pokemon raids at the mall, then a bunch of chores to get ready for Adam's return from Seattle very early tomorrow morning, then dinner with Ali and Tree at Matchbox, but of course I am overwrought now because we have just watched The Last Sharknado: It's About Time and I don't know how I will get through future Augusts without subsequent Sharknado movies! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! SO MANY SPOILERS BELOW!
We get Back to the Future references right off! And Jurassic Park! And Star Wars (Fin's son as Princess Leia)! Then we get pterodactyls, including one ridden by Neil deGrasse Tyson who is inexplicably at Camelot with Marina Sirtis, where Fin pulls the chainsaw out of the stone and calls short monks "Frodo"! Then he meets George Washington and Alexander Hamilton ("240 years from now, you'll be a great singer") and Paul Revere shouting "The sharks are coming!" There are more cameos -- Dee Snider ("I know who's a twisted mister"), Doc from The Love Boat as the captain of a fateful ship, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott as Fin's parents though she thinks she knew him in high school.
We get Princess Bride references and ROBOSHARKS and eventually Cleopatra, Hitler, and (literally) the kitchen sink before Fin realizes that "We have to stop the first Sharknado!" means not the first one on Earth but the events of the first Sharknado movie. The line that made me howl the most, though, was Fin saying, "I wonder what Deadpool movie we're on" since in Deadpool 2, the only thing Deadpool wanted to know about the future besides whether dubstep was still a thing and whether audiences still put up with villains with robotic arms was which Sharknado they were on. And, like the previous films, April and Nova kicked ass and the film passed the Bechdel Test. 10 stars!
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