The Nap Taker
By Shel Silverstein
No -- I did not take a nap --
The nap -- took -- me
Off the bed and out the window
Far beyond the sea,
To a land where sleepy heads
Read only comic books
And lock their naps in iron safes
So that they can't get took.
And soon as I came to that land,
I also came to grief.
The people pointed at me, shouting,
"Where's the nap, you thief?"
They took me to the courthouse.
The judge put on his cap.
He said, "My child, you are on trial
For taking someone's nap.
"Yes, all you selfish children,
You think just of yourselves
And don't care if the nap you take
Belongs to someone else.
It happens that the nap you took
Without a thought or care
Belongs to Bonnie Bowlingbrook,
Who's sittin' cryin' there.
"She hasn't slept in quite some time--
Just see her eyelids flap.
She's tired drowsy -- cranky too,
'Cause guess who took her nap?"
The jury cried, "You're guilty, yes,
You're guilty as can be,
But just return the nap took
And we might set you free."
"I did not take that nap," I cried,
"I give my solemn vow,
And if I took it by mistake
I do not have it now."
"Oh fiddle-fudge," cried out the judge,
Your record looks quite sour.
Last night I see you stole a kiss,
Last week you took a shower,
"You beat your eggs, you've whipped your cream,
At work you punched the clock,
You've even killed an hour or two,
We've heard you darn your socks,
We know you shot a basketball,
You've stolen second base,
And we can see you're guilty
From the sleep that's on your face.
"Go lie down on your blanket now
And cry your guilty tears.
I sentence you to one long nap
For ninety million years.
And when the other children see
This nap that never ends,
No child will ever dare to take
Somebody's nap again."
Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you, when the kisses are hers and hers and his, three's company too. R.I.P. John Ritter.
Momentary squee: Variety reports that Christian Bale will play Batman in Christopher Nolan's reworking of the saga, set for a 2005 release. Nolan, best known for the indie thriller Memento, will direct the film from a script by David Goyer.
1. Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed?
It's identical to the name on my birth certificate. On very rare occasion I answer to my husband's last name but it's not on any of my paperwork.
2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?
I wouldn't. On occasion I have had to, to protect my identity or because there was someone else in my profession with an identical name, and it has made me unhappy.
3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)
My parents named me after my maternal grandfather, who died before I was born.
4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?
I love goddess names -- Asherah, Shekhinah, Morrigan, Astarte, Isis, Inanna, et al. I don't think there are names I really hate except by association with despicable people.
5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com accurate? How or how isn't it?
It is so thoroughly wrong that it's quite funny. Says I'm a hard worker with a meticulous sense of detail, which is only true on the rare occasions when I make it so. I am independent but not patient, I cannot always be trusted to complete my undertakings, and I don't think of "stable, trustworthy, homeloving, and logical" as anywhere on the top ten words that describe me, other than trustworthy in most cases. It also says I do not have much vision or imagination, which I would find downright insulting did it not go on to tell me that I find it difficult to express the depth of my feelings, and it limits me to practical matters of the day, filling my life with detailed routine, hard work, and monotony. I am thoroughly unimpressed with the Kabalarians.