By Jason Shinder
My friend says she is like an empty drawer
being pulled out of the earth.
I am the long neck of the giraffe coming down
to see what she doesn't have.
What holds us chained to the same cold river,
where we are surprised by the circles
we make in the ice? When we talk about the past
it is like pushing stones back into the earth.
Sometimes she digs her nails into her leather bag
to find out where my heart is. The white sleeves
of her shirt are bright with waves when I visit.
When we lie, we live a little longer—
which is unbelievable. If you love
someone, the water moves up from the well.
I had a fairly entertaining Tuesday -- lunch at Lebanese Taverna with Gblvr and some playing with eyeshadow in Ulta, a trip to Borders to pick up a gift with a Borders Rewards coupon and a visit to Lush to get some Karma solid perfume because I was having a craving after spritzing it on myself yesterday, then a less entertaining trip to the shoe store with the kids, one of whom practically had to be tied down to be persuaded to replace his falling-apart Merrells and the other of whom refused to get anything at all since they didn't have appropriate bedroom slippers. Younger son's foot is now bigger than mine, which at least means he can't accidentally put on MY Merrells, but I had to replace his Crocs as well as the shoes and even on sale it all added up. Plus the kids convinced me that since they had agreed to be dragged out shopping, I should rent Meet the Spartans for them at the Blockbuster two doors down from the shoe store.
The Spanish naval ship Juan Sebastian de Elcano was visiting Baltimore last weekend.
It was a good weekend to be visiting, since the Orioles were at home against the Red Sox and the Inner Harbor had good-sized spring crowds.
Juan Sebastian de Elcano was the navigator who completed Magellan's voyage, the first circumnavigation of the world.
He sailed the Victoria back to Seville more than three years after he departed with Magellan, sailing for Castile.
The Spanish sailors were handing out brochures with information on the history of the ship and the Navy.
Here you can see the World Trade Center through the topsail schooner's four masts.
And here is the rear of the USS Constellation, Baltimore's permanently docked tall ship.
Built in Cadiz in 1927, the Juan Sebastián de Elcano is 113 meters, the third largest tall ship in the world.
Because I am a suggestible dork, I put on Epic Movie while folding laundry before dinner and laughed all through it even though I knew all the lame jokes even before I heard them this time. After dinner, we all watched Meet the Spartans, which was just as stupid as you'd expect but I must confess that I still enjoyed it more than 300. Spoilers: The humor is precisely targeted to teenage boys -- less scatological than Austin Powers and a bit more nudity, though there is a joke in which someone accidentally drinks someone's urine sample and says it tastes like asparagus. There are also dozens of gay jokes, none particularly homophobic considering that all the major characters are straightforwardly attracted to men and these particular Greeks treated women largely as scum while elevating man-boy relationships. I could have seen the movie just to watch Kevin Sorbo kiss a man. More than once. *g*
Moments when I giggled: when Brangelina adopted the rejected Spartan babies, when Shrek was one of the rejects, when the voting staff of American Idol was flung into pit, when the Persians marched in with a giant blue screen so they could have their massive army projected onto the blue screen of death, when the Spartans skipped off to war singing "I Will Survive" and holding hands. Also when the Oracle (Ugly Betty) said, "Save the cheerleader, save the world," and Leonidas objected, "I'm not into Heroes"; when Queen Margo said, "There's only one woman whose words you should listen to" and Leonidas thought she meant Oprah; when the kid who kept saying "Never give up, never surrender," and "To Infinity and Beyond" was complimented by the captain on his man-boobs; when Leonidas complains that the captain's son's sword is digging into his back, only it's not his sword, and the captain says, "Son, today you are truly a Spartan!"
And on the extras, there's a fabulous feature ridiculing the earnestness with which the 300 guys talked about their incredible workout regimen when their muscles were exaggerated with CGI in post-production anyway, beginning with Kevin Sorbo announcing that after playing Hercules he could kick any of their asses, then claiming that he put the entire cast through his own Hercules workout and demonstrating such moves as the man-hug, the crotch-sniff and the Turkish ass slap. It's hilariously awesome.
Now I'm watching Obama's victory speech. I hope Clinton throws her support behind him with the same fervor with which she pursued the nomination. He's still the best speaker I've heard in politics in my lifetime; I hope it gets him into the White House.