Living With Pain
By Angela Davis
Tell me of pain, what you know of it.
Is it to be feared, or guarded against
like a tangible foe?
Do you seek it, or merely accept it
like an unavoidable opponent?
Is it to be welcomed, with open arms
as an enabling experience?
You tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine.
Pain… She was my first lover
My most intimate friend,
but a demanding mistress, she is...
The more you fight her,
she more she hurts you
with no safe word in place…
As I struggled against her
she demanded more of me
until there was almost nothing left.
She encompasses me,
cloaks me in her cold embrace.
A cruel master, never meant to rule
has no limits to what she will do.
She is meant to lend you strength,
help you overcome…
If only you can harness her, hold her in check.
Many years ago she escaped her reigns;
now it is I in her shackles
I know of no escape though I must.
I am riddled with the arrows;
arrows that others aimed
that she pierces me with,
each taking a slice of my soul.
Soon there will be nothing remaining;
only a vacant shell in which I once dwelled...
After morning rain, Thursday felt like summer -- temperature around 80, plenty of humidity -- though we still have so many dogwood and azaleas in bloom that it looked like spring. Paul had an interview, so I took Maddy to the doctor and realized driving home that if my leg kept seizing up, I wouldn't be able to hit the brake, so I called the doctor and demanded to be seen that afternoon (which meant the P.A. on that kind of notice).
Before that appointment, though, Denise came over and we discussed the world and happier thoughts while shopping at Forever 21 and playing with cats. I had not seen her in ages so that was lovely! When she left, I went to the doctor and convinced the P.A. that Advil was not doing it for me, though I am very claustrophobic and the earliest Open MRI appointment is mid-May, so I have to decide whether pain overrules fear of being crushed.
Maddy is going to California for a few days very early Friday morning, so we had Tofurkey ham with her for dinner and took her to the mall to pick up some movie posters for a friend of hers. Since everything we watch is in reruns, we put on a couple of Bones episodes (still not even through season ten and I see what people mean about how gross the murders get). Here are some photos from our April trips to Brookside Gardens, all of which involved tulips: