Poem for Saturday

Asking for More
By Sarah Manguso

I am not asking to suffer less.
I hope to be nearly crucified.
To live because I don't want to.

That hope, that sweet agent —
My best work is its work.
The horse I ride into Hell is my best horse
And bears its name.
So, friends, drink your cocktails and wear your hats.
Thank you for leaving me this whole world to go mad in.

I am not asking for mercy. I am asking for more.
I don't mind when no mercy comes
Or when it comes in the form of my mad self
Running at me. I am not asking for mercy.

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For the first day of no-school-for-the-summer, older son wanted a bagel with lox spread for breakfast, younger son wanted pistachios and cheese, and the neighbors' kids wanted them to hurry up and finish so they could get them to go down the basement and let everyone play on the Wii. I threw them out periodically to get some fresh air, but did not get any consistent time to get anything done this morning, and then after lunch older son spoke the fateful words, "I want to go see Pirates of the Caribbean again," to which younger son chimed in, "Yeah!"

So guess where we spent the afternoon. At rare moments I would ask myself, "Did I really need to give Disney even more money?" but then Elizabeth would stare down Jack or Will or James or Hector or Sao Feng and I would stop caring. (After Elizabeth, Barbossa is my favorite character in this movie and to some extent that is true of the first movie, too. Since Elizabeth had pretty obviously been drinking from the fountain of youth in the scene after the credits when Will came back and she hadn't aged a day even though she had a nine-year-old, I'm going to assume she met up with Jack and Barbossa en route to Florida and they had nice three-ways while Will and James were consoling themselves about being dead with one another. And then they all got together after Elizabeth introduced Will to his child and got Grandpa Turner to babysit.

: Trying to fit a rectangle into a ball.
1. When do you doubt yourself? As a parent I doubt myself constantly.
2. Who do you owe an apology? My uncle's wife -- I missed her birthday.
3. When is the last time you felt embarrassed? When my son's new friend came into the living room and said, "Wow, your house is cluttered."
4. What do you ignore? See above.
5. Do you love yourself? It is the greaaaatest loooove of allllll...

: How we play music
1. Do you download music not from the popular genres of Top 40, pop, rock, rap, dance, R&B, or country? I've bought classical, Latino and an Amy Grant song from iTunes, so they have Christian & Gospel on my recommendations.
2. Are there any musicians for whom you've downloaded a significant amount of their material yet own few or none of their albums? Russell Crowe's last album was only available online and I downloaded both the original and extended versions. I downloaded a bunch of Lennie Gallant when the only one of his albums available in the US was the live one, but now you can get all of them, and I have.
3. Have you ever enjoyed a downloaded album so much that you went and bought the physical album? See above. As a rule I don't download entire albums unless iTunes is my only option; if I got one or two songs from somewhere and like them enough I will generally buy the album.
4. How many different ways of playing music do you own (such as radio, stereo system, computer, Walkman/Discman, mp3 player, mp3-ready phone, etc.)? Eesh, we have at least four mp3 players in the house, three iCat/I-cy speakers, multiple computers, an old Disman, upstairs and downstairs stereos that are both over 20 years old, two car radio/tape players, one phone that can play music.
5. Do you still have and/or play a favorite vinyl album, cassette tape, or 8-track tape? We have maybe three cassettes that we have not managed to convert. We still own all our vinyl albums but our turntable hasn't worked for years.

: What are your five favorite instances of amnesia, in canon or fan fiction?
Amnesia stories are actually one of my least favorite cliches! There are only two that stick out in my mind, though I am terribly biased because I co-wrote one and beta-read the other. Both are ten-year-old Voyager fics: "Trust," by myself and , and "Slip of the Mind," by .

: For each question choose one character and explain why you chose them. Who would you like to...
1. Have dinner with? Narcissa Malfoy. The conversation might suck, but at least we could talk about our children and I imagine the food would be exquisite...and I also imagine their family chef knows enough magic to make it low-calorie, nutritious and still delicious.
2. Share an apartment with? Snape. He'd keep it clean, he'd have as many books as I would, he'd stay out of my stuff so I'd stay out of his, he'd be unlikely to have loud sex all night long except with me.
3. Be locked in a jail cell with? Dumbledore. I doubt there's a jail cell that can hold him, so he'd be my best bet for escaping.
4. Go camping with? Whichever one of the Weasleys was responsible for designing or choosing the tent they brought to the Quidditch World Cup.
5. Go on a date with? Lupin. Since this says "a date" and I wouldn't be having sex on a first date anyway, it wouldn't matter that he's gay and I expect that he'd be unpretentious, easy to talk to, well-read and not in the least attentive to things like what I was wearing or whether I listened to fashionable music.

From all over: About My Journal
1. My username is _____ because ____. Cruisedirector, short for Your Cruise Director, because a long time ago in a fandom far, far away, we were all supposed to take titles on a ship and I said I wanted to be the cruise director, like Julie from The Love Boat, so I could play matchmaker.
2. My journal is titled ____ because ____. Your Cruise Director's Log, because ship's officers keep logs, right?
3. My subtitle is ____ because ____. The Love Boat Soon Will Be Making Another Run, a line from The Love Boat theme song.
4. My friends page is called ____ because ____. Love Boat Passengers, for reasons which I would think would be obvious.
5. My default userpic is ____ because ____. At the moment it's my cat Cinnamon pouncing through a paper Medieval Times crown, because Cinnamon is adorable and sometimes we all want to rule the world but get distracted by our own tails. I change userpics fairly regularly, though, so this should not be taken as an absolute statement of my personality.

Here, again, are the fluffy mixed-breed baby geese at the Rio shopping center where the movie theater is, because who can resist these faces:











Saturday is Sail Baltimore's tall ships festival, so guess where we will be! And then hopefully to see Al Petteway and Amy White in a public park if the weather holds. Happy Bloomsday!